How to be Native pt. 2

Please enjoy the picture of me with some Sevillanas for my How to be Native pt. 2 blog. Clarification: this is not the same thing as my cultural differences blog. However it is a continuation of my “How to look Native (or Touristy)” blog, so hold on to your seat belts for another wild ride of Ana Vincenti noticing things about people.

How to be native:

  • Find yourself a dog and let it shit wherever the hell it wants, and don’t pick it up!
    • Because why the hell not, dog shit is incredibly pleasant for the world to step on, and it is incredibly refreshing. 
  • If you’re a girl, wear platform shoes.
    • ???????? This should not be legal? But it is? I am willing to sacrifice this native look. 
  • Guys, wear a scarf, that’s all I got for ya.
    • Just get over your man-pride and wear a god damn scarf it will not kill you. 
  • Smoke cigarettes because they are the coolest.
    • NOPE. Nopeitty nope nope nope. I will save lung cancer for another time, thank you. 
  • Speak Spanish.
    • This one was a little harder to notice, but the more I walked around, the more I realized that people in Spain were speaking in the Spanish language. 
  • Handle your alcohol like a god damn adult (yes its legal calm down).
    • In the night scene, you can tell an American from a Spaniard in .02 seconds because the American kids have no idea wtf they’re doing and get so trashed that they do miserably dumb shit, whereas the Spaniards stay calm and composed. Seriously y’all, get a grip. 
  • Eat your food with a fork and bread (knives are useless).
    • Fork in one hand, bread in the other to push your food around. Then eat the bread. Always eat the bread.
  • When it’s raining, look as concerned as you would if WW3 were starting tomorrow.
    • Check for rain in all directions by darting your head frantically. Be sure that it is raining at all possible angles and that you are not missing out on a potential patch of dry sky. 
  • If you are using a bike or renting one, ring your annoying ass bike bell even if no one is around because you fucking can!
    • Please disturb the peace of those around you simply because you have the power to do it, and who gives a fuck?
  • If you are ordering beer, ONLY order Cruzcampo, the most loved beer of southern Spain.
    • If you order anything else, you are a disgrace. Shame on you and your family. 
  • Rollerblade around the city as though you are minding your own business and on a mission to get somewhere.
    • Never have I seen so many people use rollerblades as their primary method of transportation. I dig this idea. For fun, people rollerblade in herds (or flocks, whichever you prefer) at night and it looks so fun I want to join them.

 

That’s it for this one, stay tuned for more “How to be Native” suggestions! In the meantime, check out my other post, we’ve (I) got some history lessons and cultural differences in store for you :).

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